Redefining success: why we must change the narrative to save lives

By Sam Thomas, Founder of the Different Hats Podcast, speaker, father, and storyteller.

It’s a strange feeling to reach what should be a milestone, my 100th podcast episode, and realise the biggest lesson I’ve learned wasn’t about business, achievement, or networking. It was this: the story we tell ourselves about success is broken.

According to the dictionary, success means “the attainment of wealth, fame, or social status”. And for years, I believed that. I set myself a goal: become a millionaire by 40. It was clear, tangible and felt like the right thing to chase. But as that birthday approached, I didn’t have the house. I hadn’t hit the number. Instead, I had a deep sense of failure.

I remember one night sitting alone in my car. I was overwhelmed, tears streaming, my thoughts spiralling. I truly questioned whether I could carry on. Because I hadn’t reached those traditional benchmarks, I felt like I didn’t matter. That moment was one of the darkest of my life.

Then I went home. My twins greeted me at the door with a simple “I love you, Daddy”. My wife wrapped her arms around me and didn’t let go. And something shifted. If success is measured in love, in connection, in the people who see you at your lowest and stay, that night I realised I was already successful. I just hadn’t known how to measure it.

That experience was the spark that ignited my mission: to help the world see success differently. To shine a light on a narrative that is damaging mental health and robbing people of self-worth.

Here’s why it matters:

• Nearly 60% of all suicides are tied to financial or economic pressures.

• 75% of all suicides are male.

• In the UK, 84 men take their lives every single week.

Those numbers aren’t just statistics. They represent real people who felt they didn’t measure up. And too often, we point the finger at individuals rather than questioning the system that defines their worth.

Over the last few years, I’ve had the privilege of interviewing Olympic athletes, CEOs, entrepreneurs, authors, and everyday heroes on my podcast Different Hats. And across these 100 conversations, something incredible emerged, a new framework for success. One that prioritises well-being, integrity and connection over titles, trophies, and targets.

I call it the Five Pillars of Success. And I believe it’s not just helpful, it’s vital.

1. Balance

Success isn’t about running faster. It’s about knowing when to stop. When we sacrifice health, relationships and joy in pursuit of one goal, we’re not succeeding, we’re surviving.

Reflecting on these insights, I recall a powerful moment with Rob Starr. He once observed:  “It’s your life, not work life, not home life, it’s all one.”

This perspective frees us from dividing our identity into separate compartments and instead invites us to see our existence, career, family, health, personal passions as a single, unified experience.

This is a reminder for me to do the best you can each day with what you have in front of you. Accepting that some days I may be a better father than I am businessmen, a better husband than I am father, other days it may be the opposite. But rest peacefully at night safe in the knowledge that you did your best, that is a sign of balance for me.

2. Authenticity

For years, I wore masks. I thought I had to play a part to be accepted. But authenticity, the courage to be seen as we truly are, is the most radical form of success.

As Paige Collins told me: “Be kind. Be brave. Be bold.” Living in alignment with your values and voice isn’t just freeing. It’s foundational.

3. Presence

We’re always chasing the next milestone. But what about the moment we’re in? Jo Baldwin shared this with me: “Success is creating a feeling of richness and presence in the now.”

True success isn’t somewhere out there. It’s here. In this breath. In this hug. In this sunrise.

4. Fulfilment

Chris Goodman hit every financial target he set, and still felt empty. Then he discovered a deeper truth: success is about contribution. About meaning.

“What really matters is faith, family, friends, and work that serves others,” he told me.

Fulfilment isn’t about what you have. It’s about what you give.

5. Relationships

When we strip it all back, what remains? The people. The connections. The love.

Bruno Saltor said: “Success is getting back home from work and seeing my family happy to see me… Success is having friends who I can share good things, good moments of my life.”

The real measure of a life well lived isn’t money. It’s love.

These five pillars have redefined my life, and they’re at the heart of everything I now do. They’ve shaped my talks, my storytelling work, my events and, most importantly, the way I show up as a husband, a dad, and a human being.

We need to start asking better questions:

• What if success isn’t a destination, but a daily practice?

• What if we judged people not by their job titles, but by their presence and impact?

• What if success could be redefined to save lives?

Here’s the definition I now live by:

Success is the ongoing pursuit of personal fulfilment, meaningful relationships, and positive impact, achieved by living authentically, being present, and aligning actions with your values.

It’s time to change the narrative. Not tomorrow. Not someday. Now.

Because the stakes are too high. And because someone out there needs to hear this:

You are not a failure. You are not your bank balance. You are not alone.

As Charlie Mackesy wrote in The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse: “What do you think success is?” asked the boy.

“To love,” said the mole.

Let’s start there.