Ask the expert

As 2020 draws to a close, it’s fair to say it wouldn’t make most of our “Now that’s what I call a year” playlists. It’s been difficult to not wish it away, thinking that 2021 will bring better times, but we’ve been thinking about that over the last few weeks and have changed our mindset.

Firstly, it’s likely that 2021 isn’t going to start off as strong as we’d like it to, so realistically is it going to be that much better than 2020? Slightly depressing, but it’s unlikely to dramatically improve. This leads onto my second point, and a positive one. We live too much in the future or the past and not enough in the present. We can’t control next year, we can’t control the year that’s gone, but we can control our output for today.

One of the things that I’ve learnt over the years is that intent has more of an impact on how an action lands than the action itself. If I offer to give help but it’s clear that I’m only doing so to enable me to call on a favour in the future, the impact is far less than just offering help because a fellow human is in need and I can help. It’s not exactly Plato, but I’ve been surprised how a small shift in mindset can make a seismic change in effectiveness.

We’re all selfish, it’s impossible not to be. Every time you react, you’re reacting based on all of the life experience that’s brought you to that moment. That’s ok, though. It just means that where possible you need to think about the intent driving your reaction. If someone comes to you for advice and then you react based on the most advantageous outcome for you, this is selfish. If you react and the outcome might not be the best for you, but is for the person that reached out for help, this is better for everyone. It all starts with kindness.

Be kind to each other. That kindness needs to start with self-love though. It’s ok to watch four hours of historical drama when you’re feeling low. It’s ok to eat two 12 inch pizzas. It’s ok to wear a fleece onesie. These are not sentences I would have typed in 2019, but all of those things make me happy. Perhaps I can cut down to one pizza, but the onesie stays. Once you’ve started being kind to yourself, you’ll be more in tune with what other people need. Yes, this might be a little fluffy for some, but whether it’s a business community or a friendship circle, aren’t we all looking for connections and support? There’s a reason Homo Sapiens thrived, and it’s not that we were stronger and faster than our competitors. It’s that we can create community at will. Now is the time to support each other, be kind to each other and try to read a stroppy email or text from the recipients view. Do you need to make that person’s day worse or can you just stop, take five and send later? I know this sounds preachy, but it’s only because I’ve done it so often and learnt the hard way. I also know that I’ll do it again, because it’s so hard not to. I will reach out and apologise, though.

Your team, your clients and your prospects will pick up on the intent behind your messaging more than you realise, so whilst it might sound like Brighton lefty nonsense, it will have an impact on your bottom line. I’ve mentioned during our sessions that I’ve offered clients and prospects a walk instead of a Zoom call. When it’s not raining I’ve been amazed at the difference in conversation. I was taught that telling isn’t selling and with most pitches now coming via Zoom, I’ve seen a lot of people revert to feature-led selling. “If you click on that button, you’ll get 1 million more leads.” Yawn. But, ask a local prospect if they’d like to go for a walk on the beach, a stroll across the Downs or a meander through town and you’ll be amazed at the results. Firstly, you’ll be the first person that’s asked them that, secondly, the conversation you’ll have is so much more meaningful than the ones we have through our monitors. Plus you’ll be losing weight and filling your lungs with our Sussex air. Win-win.

In our last few Three At Three sessions, Emma, Lisa and I have been focusing on providing support to each other and the wider community. We’ve all had crappy moments over this year, there’s no way round it, but let’s try to take something positive from it. The bonds that have been forged over this time are so much stronger than at any other period. People will remember that you were there for them, truly there and that’s enough sometimes.

Email james@cobbdigital.com to join our next Three At Three session. They’re every other Wednesday, last an hour and add value to your day.