Do you need to be an Aplha?

In my honest opinion, it all depends (this a phrase I use a lot), let me explain why.

Being an alpha male can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. It can also come with its own set of preconceptions and stereotypes. I know for me personally growing up in my impressionable years there were a lot of examples of alphas. Gotta love the 80’s man! Here’s a list of the alpha’s that I was introduced too via the means of TV, movies or people around me.

• He-man

• Lion-o from the Thundercats 

• Rocky Balboa and all his opponents

• John McCain (die hard movies)

• My Dad’s an alpha, great sportsman, tradesman and never really got   much wrong

• My grandad was a captain of a very high level cricket team, a leader in the army and a very big personality

• Cowboys from old westerns 

• Friends of my parents were other builders, mechanics and police men.

As you can see there are a lot of alpha type characters here. This is what crafted my opinion of what a man should be. The rough and tumble action hero that’s amazing at everything he does. It took me till my early 30’s to realise this isn’t what being an alpha is all about. I love a good nature documentary and in all those documentaries the alpha is the leader of their troop. They are protectors, they get the pick of the food, females and who sleeps where. The reason I bring this up is because this started to change my perception of an alpha. 

What are the characteristics of an alpha male?

I came across this in my early 20’s after discovering a book about picking up women. I know it doesn’t sound like a great source for knowledge. But what this book did was highlight for me how as humans we’re programmed to behave in certain ways. I call this our link back to the caveman, in professional realms it’s known as evolutionary biology or psychology. Here is how the book listed out characteristics of an alpha male in terms of what women are attracted to. 

1.Smiling and being friendly and approachable

2. Looking good (look your best) and presentable 

3. Sense of humour and being your own kind of funny

4. Connecting with people

5. Being the social centre

6. Confidence

Or with the following in terms of 

1.Preselected by others

2. Protector of loved ones

3. Leader of men

4. Willingness to show an emotion

By understanding these qualities it meant that I didn’t have to go around all guns blazing, beating my chest and grunting. All I had to do was demonstrate was that I wasn’t alone, I am friendly and approachable. I am the leader of my group and I will talk to and include and protect everyone in my circle. That is being an alpha to me now, it’s a quiet confidence, noble behaviours and positive energy that people can feel. Think about Neo at the end of the 1st Matrix film flexing and bending the walls. That to me is alpha, it’s that inner power and that inner confidence. That ability to have a disagreement with maturity and not actually be afraid of conflict. The ability to lead people, rise to the top of your field and empower people on the way. 

What are the benefits of being an alpha male?

Let’s face it we’ve all seen the movies and TV shows where women are swooning all over the lead male. For me I put the benefits into 3 different categories. None of this is set in science it’s simply what I’ve observed and drawn conclusions from my own studies. 

1.Popularity, being popular means that people are much more willing to help you in any aspect of your life. You have the attention of men and women. People tend to view you as a leader. Generally speaking, being a popular alpha guy will make day to day living that little bit easier. 

2. Success. This comes about through the alpha not worrying about pleasing other people. The alpha is focused on his own success. He’s committed to doing what needs to be done in order to succeed. This doesn’t mean stepping over people in the process. Although I know that does happen. In my opinion a true alpha will support those around him while he is making advancements to the top of his field. 

3. Open doors and better opportunities. This comes from the alpha displaying characteristics listed above of smiling, being confident, looking good, and being a grafter. When people realise you’re friendly and open to suggestions, you’re a magnet attracting other positive people. They will want to present you with opportunities to work, to influence and collaborate. It doesn’t mean you’re always going to say yes. It just means the opportunities will present themselves more and more often. These opportunities will attract more and more people to you and as such more and more possibilities of advancement. As they say, success breeds success. 

What are the downsides to being an alpha?

This can be quite tough to answer, purely because it’s all going to be individual character dependent. You can have non alpha’s who are vindictive and arse holes. You can find alpha’s who are the same and are happy to step on everyone on their way to the top. But in my experience here are the downsides to being an alpha.

1.The tendency to use people and not look after people. This is the really the only internal down side that I can see to being an alpha. I’ve witnessed this first hand, trust me it’s not pretty. 

The alpha has enough courage in their own convictions not be dissuaded by other in their own mission. They do care about what other people of think them, but a true alpha and leader will know their why and will stay true to their core beliefs. My issues with alpha’s stemmed from my own insecurities and my own need to be a people pleaser. My upbringing was that you always need to be a good boy and do what people want you to do. As a result I was the one bending over backwards trying to get people to like me. Rather than actually just being me and living in the now for my own happiness. I was doing everything that I thought was right for other people to try and like me. God I wish I could go back tell my 3 year old self some lessons… and some sports results… 

What makes a perfect alpha?

The perfect example of an alpha I can think of is Muhammad Ali. He was a true alpha, 100% convinced by his faith in himself, his faith in Islam and he genuinely didn’t care what other people thought of him. He stood up for what was right by him and for his religion. He upset his parents, the boxing world and everyone associated with him for his beliefs. He also lifts others up, he protected those closest to him, and he was happy, funny and approachable. Even though he didn’t conform and wound up a lot of people. He was probably the most popular man in the world at one point in the mid 70’s. 

Do You Need To Be An Alpha?

As far as I’m concerned being an alpha doesn’t mean you exert physical or mental dominance over another human being. I know a lot of people see it that way because that’s how we see it in the movies or on TV. I believe once we shift our perceptions of the alpha to one of leader, protector and provider things change. But fundamentally, no you don’t need to be an extroverted alpha like it is portrayed in movies and the TV. I tell my clients that you will naturally find your own alpha skillset when you accept who you are as a person. When you start to live life on your own terms and have that deep rooted inner confidence and calm. Then you naturally become that alpha leader and people will want to be around you. They will want your confidence and they will see you as their protector and provider. 

Be your own alpha, live in your own present and be happy.

Dean Rahaman
www.coachingformen.net