‘Every day is a bonus’ – how Sophie lives as her true self with positive energy
5th August 2023
Author EditorPosted on Categories Business
During Pride Month, we talk with Dr Sophie Cook about mental health, facing fears and becoming the first transgender woman to work in a Premier League football club.
When Sophie Cook addresses an audience, she does so with confidence and passion. Her ability to connect with people on a human level, sharing her story, chips away at misconceptions while showing others they too can live as their authentic selves.
She has engaged audiences at a wide range of events, including TEDxBrighton. But, before her days as a public speaker, Sophie had hurdles to overcome – difficult ones. In fact, she spent more than four decades of her life knowing that she was transgender; too frightened to tell anyone. She was 48 by the time she realised life was not worth living as someone she wasn’t.
The turning point came in 2015 – the year the football club she has supported her entire life and worked for as a photographer was promoted to the Premier League. While AFC Bournemouth’s first team marked the greatest day in the club’s history with Champagne celebrations on the pitch, all Sophie felt was fear.
“I had reached the point where I had to decide between changing my life or ending it,” she remembers. “I first tried to take my own life at 12 years old and those thoughts were never far from my mind. I was in so much pain. I knew I had to address this dissonance within myself.”
Sophie’s first step was to tell her wife and children.
“My youngest daughter was 11 at the time,” Sophie says. “She knew all about the Kardashians. She started asking about Caitlyn Jenner and my wife said ‘Do you think we should tell her?’. My daughter went through all five stages of grief in about 10 minutes. She did denial, she did bargaining, and all the rest of it and, after the 10 minutes, we got to acceptance – when she said to me ‘What’s in your make-up bag?’
“Then I had to think about telling the football club. At the time, there wasn’t anyone transgender in the game. I had a job that I truly loved and we’d just reached the Premiership – such an unbelievable dream. I thought I was going to lose it all. I was surrounded by celebrations, but I was terrified.”
As it happens, AFC Bournemouth and their manager Eddie Howe were supportive. At last, Sophie was free to be… Sophie.
When we put it to Sophie that she is an inspiration, she is not wholly convinced. “I feel as though I am just living an authentic life and being myself. I’d love everyone to be able to live as their authentic self.”
She stresses: “It’s not just transgender people who struggle to find that authenticity – people struggle in relationships, with their sexuality and in their jobs.”
Talking about mental health and the importance of being open about it is something that has won Sophie recognition. She suffered from PTSD after rendering life-saving first aid to a young man following an explosion on an aircraft while serving in the RAF at just 18.
When she first started talking about it, she remembers people telling her mental health was a topic that shouldn’t be openly discussed. She carried on regardless, inspired by a story she was once told.
She explains: “The story goes… There’s a woman walking along a beach covered in starfish. She starts picking them up and throwing them back into the sea. An old woman comes along and says ‘There’s miles of beach, and millions of starfish. You can’t hope to make a difference.’ The woman picks up a starfish and throws it into the sea. She says: ‘I’ve made a difference to that one.”
It is what drives Sophie to continue talking about mental health, understanding the enormity of reaching just one person.
Sophie says that her life now has purpose. “Every single day is an extra – it’s a bonus. I have a finite number of days left on this planet, they need to mean something. The future is about doing whatever I can to raise awareness – about mental health and about creating safe and open cultures where everyone can be their authentic self.
“We need to learn to love ourselves and the planet. We live in a society that exploits us and the Earth. We need to start caring. I want to help people understand their role in the world and how to put positive energy into every day.”
Positive energy is something that Sophie exudes. She had to endure unimaginable pain to be the person she has always been – and that person is a warm, intelligent and, occasionally, witty thought leader whose voice deserves to be heard.