Smashing the stigma of suicide, one conversation at a time

In Summer 2023, the Baton of Hope toured 12 UK cities in 12 days, aiming to unite the country to talk more openly, confidently and compassionately about suicide, and to push the issue of suicide prevention up the Government’s priority list. On 5th July, the Baton came to Brighton and Hove. Local Project Lead, Rose Rowkins shares the Baton’s journey and the impact it has had on the community.

This isn’t an easy thing to write or read, but if I’ve learned one thing it’s that we mustn’t shy away from the tough stuff. Not any longer. The sad truth is that most if not all of you reading this have been affected by suicide, in some way. Suicide is around us. It touches our professional lives and personal lives.

Maybe you have lost a loved one to suicide, or a colleague or client. Maybe you’ve supported someone who was struggling to stay alive. (It’s quite possible, by the way, that you saved their life, even without knowing, simply by ‘being there’ and showing you cared.) Maybe you’ve thought of suicide yourself at times. Maybe you’ve acted on those thoughts and survived.

The Samaritans estimate that 5% of the population, that’s 1 in 20 people, are thinking of suicide right now. No-one is immune from suicide thoughts. There is no ‘them’ and ‘us’.

We know that most people who are thinking of suicide don’t want to die; they want their pain to end. And yet people do die by suicide. Far too many. Around 6,000 people take their own life in the UK each year. That’s 17 people every single day, or one person every 90 minutes. Three quarters are men.

As I said, suicide is around us; it’s more common than we’d like to imagine.

Despite great efforts from those of us in the suicide prevention community to educate and raise awareness, these numbers have stagnated. And behind every number is a grieving family, a community left with unanswered questions and unspeakable pain.

Something big needs to shift, and, I believe, now is the time.

The Baton of Hope in Brighton and Hove

Suicide isn’t something we typically talk about, and that’s the point. We must. Because talking about suicide is the best form of prevention we have. Talking about suicide saves lives.

This was precisely the aim of the Baton of Hope, the UK’s biggest ever suicide prevention initiative, which toured the UK earlier this Summer: to start long-overdue, courageous, life-saving conversations.

Founded by Mike McCarthy and Steve Phillips, who each lost a son, Ross and Jordan, to suicide, the Baton of Hope is a symbol to unite anyone affected by suicide; a way to leave behind generations of stigma, so that anyone struggling today with thoughts of suicide feels confident to seek help, and anyone worried about a person knows what to say and do. Hundreds of people across the UK carried it on the inaugural tour, across 12 cities from Glasgow to London.

In late March 2023, I was approached to organise the Brighton route and a day of events. With the support of a formidable team and hundreds of local individuals and businesses, what we achieved and the waves that have followed surpassed our wildest imaginings and is one of my proudest achievements.

Allow me to guide you along the Baton of Hope’s Brighton journey:

At 8am on Wednesday 5th July, under a blue sky, over 50 people gathered by the Peace Statue to welcome the Baton to Brighton. It had ended its previous day at Milton Keynes’ Peace Pagoda; a coincidence that took on a special poignance in this context.

First it travelled westwards, exchanging hands every 300 metres. Over the day, 90 Baton Bearers walked sections of the 27km route, in memory of a loved one or in honour of their own survival, coordinated and held safely by Hema Patel and Lauren Carvalho, and shepherded by Iain Riddell and other volunteers.

At the Big Beach Café, Norman Cook aka Fatboy Slim hugged the Baton Bearer tightly; her daughter had been a regular in his café before she took her own life, and Norman had served her personally. One of many raw connections made that day.

The Baton returned to Rockwater where the Business Breakfast, created by Sam Thomson (Hexagon Hive), was in full swing. Were you there? Everyone I spoke to said this was “no ordinary Business Breakfast”. People were crying, laughing, connecting, like I have never witnessed before at a business event, and have said it was an “absolute privilege” to be there: “powerful”, “inspiring” and “a moment in time that will last with me forever”.

Guests were treated to talks from Olympian Leon Taylor, in conversation with Sam Thomas, Neil Laybourn and Jonny Benjamin MBE, and Mike Turner from Bird and Blend Tea Co. I was honoured to speak last. I shared five brief tips for talking about suicide and an acronym for HOPE which I have held close for a long time and which many people have told me feels helpful: ‘Hold On, Pain Ends’.

Later, outside Platf9rm, Jess Samson, Marc Convey and Cllr Andrei Czolak (policy lead for mental health) each spoke movingly about their own losses and struggles, along with their learnings and hopes. Music was from talented BIMM students.

The Baton was carried along the beach, the Pier, and into Kemptown. At the new community café created by Brighton Table Tennis Club and Fitzherbert Hub, Mayor Cllr Jackie O’Quinn spoke from her heart, followed by paramedics Angelique Henderson and Adam Mason – for many people the highlight of their day. Music was from AudioActive.

At Brighthelm Gardens, Cascade Creative Recovery shared music, drama and poetry, and then the Baton travelled to a family BBQ at the Bevy pub, with still more moving talks and music, supported by Dad La Soul, Grassroots Suicide Prevention and Plus X Innovation.

We felt it was important to end our Brighton day on a high, before the Baton was taken to London for its final day, where it would end at the Houses of Parliament. And so we did, by producing, along with Partridge Events, a specially curated show at Brighton Dome: ‘An Evening of Hope.’

We brought together a choir, an international beatbox star, an award-winning poet, a powerful dance troupe, a rapper, a drag queen and more to spread the message of hope and the need to #passiton. Stories were shared safely, with raw and honest emotion, and the connection in the room, between the performers and audience, was palpable. One guest called it “a night of inspiration, community, humility, education, understanding, generosity, artistry, bravery but the most important lesson is ‘we are one!’”

The impact of the Baton

The Baton of Hope aimed to start conversations, and that it did:

One of our Baton bearers, a woman in her 60s, whispered to one of our volunteers: “I’m a suicide survivor.” Forty years ago, she had survived a suicide attempt. She had never previously told her husband or children, but on 5th July, she carried the Baton proudly, shedding 40 years of shame. She would go home later, she told us, and share her story publicly on Facebook. She wanted to tell people: I survived suicide. It can happen to anyone. I’m here to tell the tale. I’m no longer ashamed. Anyone can find hope.

Baton bearers, volunteers and even passers-by on the day have commented since on what the day meant to them:

• “What a mammoth day of connection, inspiration and hope. I am sure this is the start of many more conversations that will save lives.”

• “I was surprised at how it has made me reflect on things and want to do more. I was inspired by the strength and spirit of so many people and the connections. It showed me that we are not alone, and we can support each other by listening and talking more.”

• “It was an opportunity to be with people who understood; no questions, no judgement. A shared understanding and journey, an emotional and powerful event. I really do feel this is the beginning of something big! We need to have honest conversations about mental health and suicide.”

• “I felt it connected a huge amount of people who had experienced similar things and made them feel valid. It celebrated people who were no longer with us and it got people talking about suicide prevention in a way I’ve not witnessed before.”

What you can do

Too often I am invited into businesses, to talk to staff or deliver suicide prevention training, after the death of a colleague by suicide. It’s devastatingly tragic, not least because we have come to understand that most suicides can be prevented. I implore you, don’t let this be you.

So as a Sussex business owner, what can you do to make your corner of the world safer from suicide?

To make your workplace as safe and healthy as it can be for your employees, simply put, you need to create the conditions where they can talk openly about how they’re feeling, including if they are really struggling. If you’re a manager or CEO, this includes you too!

The simple truth is suicide is best prevented through not being afraid to ‘say the word’. Through people feeling seen, heard, accepted and valued, even in their darkest times. That’s the support that employees want—and it’s what being human is all about.

Some things to consider:

• Use supervision time wisely. Ask questions that seek to understand each employee as a whole human. Put staff wellbeing (in and out of work) at the core of your strategy; it’s good for them and it’s good for business!

• Book suicide prevention skills training. Some companies are making this mandatory, not only for leaders or HR; all staff should feel empowered to spot signs and have a life-saving conversation.

• Rethink your benefits and policies to provide staff with continuous opportunities to learn, grow, and tackle burnout long before it happens.

• Make time for meaningful reflection; introduce Reflective Practice Supervision or Compassion Practices if you haven’t already.

• Acknowledge and empathise with your youngest employees; they are likely struggling in ways the older staff aren’t.

The stigma around mental health, thankfully, seems to be losing its power, certainly out here in the ‘real world’. But how welcome are conversations about mental health – and more specifically suicide – in your workplace really? If we can have “difficult” conversations outside of work, we need to be able to have them at work too.

Courageous new conversations are starting. They must not stop. Because where there are open conversations, there is connection, and there is hope. And where there is hope there is survival.

Watch a short film of the Brighton tour at www.bit.ly/BOHbrightonfilm

When not volunteering for the Baton of Hope, Rose Rowkins is a suicide prevention skills trainer. Find her on LinkedIn or at www.starttheconversation.uk

Follow the Baton of Hope at www.batonofhopeuk.org or @batonofhopeuk

Do you need support for yourself or someone else?

Start here:

preventingsuicideinsussex.org

Download ‘Stay Alive’ the free app from Grassroots Suicide Prevention

Helplines:

Samaritans 116 123

Papyrus HopeLine (for under 35s) 0800 068 4141

Suicide & Co (for anyone bereaved by suicide) 0800 054 8400

Sussex Mental Healthline 0800 0309 500