The way we manage our employees must change

Is it the responsibility of managers to adapt their communication style to suit individual employees? 

Of course, it is!

Is it the responsibility of employees to adapt to their managers’ communication styles?  

That depends… 

But if you’re expecting your employees to adapt to your managers’ way of working, you need to provide them with the knowledge and tools to do it. Effective communication skills are rarely taught at school or college, and, unless your profession requires it, you cannot expect your employees to understand how to deal with different personality traits and communication styles. 

As John C. Maxwell relates in his insightful book Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the Most Effective People Do Differently, communication is often confused with talking at people. 

Shouting louder and louder to get a point across instead of trying to relate to people by listening to them and finding a common language that helps build connection. 

Finding it frustrating to deal with evident disconnect when we don’t feel heard by our audience. 

Responding emotionally to awkward situations, because we haven’t learnt to manage our emotions effectively.

To be a great communicator and connect with others, you have to make a conscious effort to want to know others. This requires both personal commitment and exceptional listening skills. 

But listening is only the first step. 

Developing self-awareness

To be able to communicate and connect with others on a deeper level, you need to know yourself. You need to understand your triggers and how to overcome the urge to react prematurely. You need to understand how your communication style differs from others. How your words, body language and micro-expressions trigger (potentially negative) reactions in others. 

You also need to be able to reflect constructively on any mistakes you might have made during discussions and arguments, and identify ways to avoid making those errors in the future. 

Self-awareness is often the most difficult step to take. But invariably the most important one. Because by understanding your personality, motivations, and strengths and weaknesses you will be able to minimise (if not completely avoid) uncomfortable situations with people around you. 

Dealing with our feelings

A forbidden word in work environments, discussion of ‘feelings’ can mean treading on thin ice. But the truth is, we are all driven by feelings. 

First, come our thoughts, whether generated from recent conversations with people or based on deeply held beliefs we carry with us from childhood. Those thoughts create feelings. Even events that happened a long time ago can bring real emotions out, apparently unrelated to what is happening to us now. 

If you reflect on recent ups or downs, you will be able to see how those feelings affected your mood, actions and behaviour. If you’re in a good mood, everything seems great and little things don’t bother you. If, on the other hand, you feel tired, overworked or overwhelmed, even a small issue can feel like a big challenge. 

The problem most of us have is that we don’t really know how we feel. (Yet another subject absent from the school curriculum!) And if we don’t know how we feel, it’s harder to identify what we need to do or change to be able to feel better again. 

Understanding our needs

By this point, you might be wondering how this relates to managing people in the workplace. Fair question!

Well, we are all human beings with needs and just because we’re not amongst friends and family doesn’t mean we become machines. If someone isn’t feeling good about their job and their needs aren’t met, this will affect their performance in the workplace. 

When we talk about needs and feelings, many people think this is to do with love and connection. In a way it is. If you love what you do and you feel connected to the people you work with, you’re most likely to deliver your best. Isn’t that true? 

So why do we ignore such an important aspect of humanity in the workplace?

The military is often used as a great example of leadership and teamwork. Put bluntly, they have to work together to stay alive. They have to trust each other and act collectively because every decision has the potential to affect other decisions. 

I also like to use the example of a symphony orchestra. Not only there are different personalities but also very different instruments in a typical orchestra. They all play an important part, adding depth and colour to the overall sound. They all have to master their own contribution while complementing what other musicians are doing and looking to the conductor for guidance and direction. 

In both cases, each member has to learn their own piece or place but also understand the outcome and the consequences of not working together as a team. They might not always like everything about their role, but they know how important or beautiful the end result will be. 

Trust is the cornerstone of a successful workplace

So where does adapting to your employees come into place? To use the above example, a conductor has to learn about each and every instrument and its strengths, and maybe try different approaches to get them all working together. Working within a defined musical environment to create a masterpiece. 

As a manager/leader, if you don’t know your employees, how can you motivate them in the right way? How do you know what their strengths are and which tasks to delegate? How can you build trust with someone you don’t even know? 

Without trust, you will struggle to achieve your goals. Without trust, relationships fail. 

The way we manage must change to reflect current realities in the workplace. With well-being and mental health coming to the forefront, it is inevitable that leadership skills will have to adapt. 

As harsh as this sounds, we can no longer treat people like machines (not that we ever should have done in the first place!). We need to build strong relationships and connect with each other like never before. Or we will run out of people to employ. 

Because being employed comes with great uncertainty these days (flexible or precarious contracts, low pay, risk of redundancy etc). And to go solo and set up your own company is easier than ever before. Many businesses don’t require huge capital to start with and the market is full of consultants who can help those new to self-employment.

So, you might want to ask yourself the question: can you afford to lose talent? 

If you’re struggling with low morale, rising conflict and poor productivity, please do get in touch at mia@neupauer.org for a free consultation to find out how can we help you turn your business into a positive environment where your employees feel appreciated, find fulfilment and thrive. 

Mia Neupauerova
Trainer & Coach
Neupauer Training
+447588751506
mia@neupauer.org
www.neupauer.org
Eastbourne, East Sussex