“You Alright Mate?”

By Sam Thomas, of Different Hats.

How often have you been asked “Are you alright, mate?” – and how often have you automatically replied, “Yeah, I’m fine” even when the truth is far from it?

For most men, this has become a default response — a shield we use to protect ourselves from vulnerability. The reality is that, sometimes, we’re not fine at all. We’re struggling, overwhelmed, and yet we find it so hard to say those words out loud, even to the people we trust the most.

I know this first-hand because I’ve been there myself. For years, I hid behind a smile, afraid that showing my true feelings would mean losing the positive, upbeat image I’d built. But through my own battles with mental health and countless conversations on my podcast, I’ve realised something profound: it’s okay not to be okay. Life has its dark moments, and pretending otherwise only deepens the struggle.

It’s in those moments of vulnerability that we need to reach out and ask for help. Recently, on World Mental Health Day, I shared photos of myself at different times — pictures that show me beaming, looking like I’ve got it all together. But behind those smiles, I was often hiding, pretending everything was fine when it wasn’t.

I was reminded of this during my experience at Talk 24, where I faced the darkest chapter of my life — a time when I didn’t want to be here anymore. I remembered those moments at events, smiling for the camera while secretly feeling lost and broken inside, too afraid to show my pain for fear of appearing weak.

But here’s the truth I’ve come to embrace, captured so beautifully by Charlie Mackesy in The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse: “Asking for help isn’t giving up,” said the. horse. “It’s refusing to give up.”

Now, when someone in my circle asks, “You alright, mate?” I’ve learned to answer honestly: “Not really, I’m struggling.” Because being open about our struggles is the first step to breaking the cycle of silence that surrounds men’s mental health.

Despite our progress, stigma and outdated narratives still dominate conversations around mental health. Suicide remains the leading cause of death among men in the UK, with rates rising instead of falling. Last month, I took part in suicide prevention training with Rose Rowkins, and the statistics were devastating: 57% of suicides are linked to economic pressures — an issue deeply rooted in the relentless pressure society places on men to measure their worth by financial success.

This is why I’m committed to helping the world see success differently. We must create spaces where men can talk openly, honestly and vulnerably —  we build connections that are real and supportive, not masked by societal expectations.

I’m excited to announce a new event, in collaboration with my friend and mental health advocate Bud Johnston, called ‘You Alright Mate’. Taking place at Projects in Brighton on International Men’s Day, Tuesday 19th November, this event is designed to create a safe space for men to support each other, to speak without judgement, and to listen with compassion.

The title, ‘You Alright Mate’, serves as a reminder of how far we still have to go to normalise conversations about men’s mental health. Together, we aim to chip away at the stigma, to raise awareness, and to push back against the unacceptable suicide rates that continue to claim too many lives.

Change won’t happen overnight, but if we can transform even a small corner of our world, the ripple effects could be enormous. We owe it to ourselves, to each other and to those we’ve lost to never stop fighting for a future where no man feels he has to face his struggles alone.